Jokes On Us

The Jokes On Us.....................

Nov 8, 2000

To: Florida Lottery Commission

Dear Sirs:

On Friday, November 3, 2000, I picked the numbers 7-38-18-41-3-30.

Saturday night when the numbers were announced I found that the numbers I

picked were selected, however when I checked my lottery ticket I found

that I must have marked the wrong numbers by mistake because the ticket indicated

the wrong numbers.

The cards that that must be marked to be read by the

computer is hard to read and it is easy to mark the wrong column.

I know that you will honor my request that I will be considered the

winner because I selected the right number and just made a small mistake.

If you won't pay me for intending to mark the winning numbers, I want to

have you to declare a recount of the Nov 4th Lottery and allow me to select the

Respectfully, Shirley Lotz, West Palm Beach, Florida

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light,

and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the

kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" The Kid

says, "Yeah." The cop says, "Next year tell Santa to put a tail-light

on that bike. The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 ticket.

The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way,

that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?

Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did." The kid says,

"Well, next year tell Santa to put the penis underneath the horse,

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This little boy and girl were playing doctor one day, when the boy

"You see what I have? You don't have something like this!"

So the girl picks up her dress and says, "You see what I have?

With one of these, I can get as many of those as I want!"

Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?
He sold his soul to Santa

Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
He's all right now.

How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.

How do you get holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.

How does a spoiled rich girl change a lightbulb?
She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."

What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
"Dam".

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.

What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.

What do the letters D.N.A. stand for?
National Dyslexics Association.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A stick.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho Cheese.

What do you call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
Quatro sinko.

What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor?
A pachydermatologist

What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A pool table.

What is a zebra?
26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.

What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka.
and what kind of lettuce? Iceberg.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.

What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.

Where do you find a no legged dog?
Right where you left him.

Where do you get virgin wool from?
Ugly sheep.

Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
They all have phones.

Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
They're trying to get away from the noise.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.

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