Sacred Cow By-Laws
This announcement appears as a matter
of record only. Void where prohibited. Any resemblance to real persons, living
or dead is purely coincidental. Batteries not included. Contents may settle
during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied.
Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. This is neither
an offer to sell nor an offer to buy. Apply only to affected area. May be too
intense for some viewers. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. If
condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside.
Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice.
Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As
seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike please check tickets.
Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem right for you.
Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red
Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool. For best results
process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was
current at time of printing. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental
or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to
perform. At participating locations only. Penalty for private use. Substantial
penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Falling rock zone.
Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your canceled check is your receipt. Add toner.
Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. Just add water. Sanitized for your
protection. Be sure each item is properly stowed. Slightly higher west of the
Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog.
Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time
offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. Call
now for your prize winnings. No passes accepted for this engagement. No
purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton.
Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in a well-ventilated are. Keep
away from fire or flames. Don't play on or around. Replace with same type.
Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible.
Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian
coins. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone.
Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs or horses.
Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First
pull up, then pull down. Call toll free before digging. Driver does not carry
cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for
identification purposes only. Record additional transactions on back of
previous stub. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate. No transfers issued until the
bus comes to a complete stop. Package sold by weight, not volume. Your mileage
may vary. This article does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either
myself, my company, my friends, or my late pet iguana. Don't quote me on that,
I'll deny I said it. All rights reserved. You may distribute this article
freely as long as my name stays on it but you may not make a profit from it
without talking to me first. Terms are subject to change without notice.
Parental advisory -- explicit lyrics. Illustrations are slightly enlarged to
show detail. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is
unintentional and purely coincidental. Do not remove this disclaimer under
penalty of law. Hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat. Objects in mirror are
closer than they appear. No substitutions allowed. For a limited time only.
This article is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted. Caveat
emptor. Article is provided "as is" without any warranties. Reader assumes
full responsibility. An equal opportunity article. No shoes, no shirt, no
articles. Quantities are limited while supplies last. If any defects are
discovered, do not attempt to read them yourself, but return to an authorized
service center. Read at your own risk. Text may contain explicit materials
some readers may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised. Keep away
from sunlight. Keep away from pets and small children. Limit one-per-family
please. No money down. No purchase necessary. You need not be present to win.
Some assembly required. Batteries not included. Instructions are included.
Action figures sold separately. No preservatives added. Slippery when wet.
Safety goggles may be required during use. Sealed for your protection, do not
read if safety seal is broken. Not liable for damages arising from use or
misuse. For external use only. If rash, irritation, redness, or swelling
develops, discontinue reading. Read only with proper ventilation. Avoid
extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place. Keep away from open
flames. Avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes. Do not
puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit. Do not place near
a flammable or magnetic source. Beware of Geeks bearing GIFs. Smoking this
article could be hazardous to your health. The best safeguard, second only to
abstinence, is the use of a condom. No salt, MSG, artificial color or
flavoring added. If you have gotten this far reading this, you're a sick
puppy. If ingested, do not induce vomiting, and if symptoms persist,
consult a physician. Articles are ribbed for your pleasure. Possible penalties
for early withdrawal. Offer valid only at participating sites. Allow four to
six weeks for delivery. You may have other rights in New York (besides paying
taxes!).. As a natural material, this article may contain imperfections such
as creases, hair follicles, and scars, which add to the natural beauty and
luster of this product. Other restrictions may apply.
Of The Sacred Cow
Design and Graphics
Copyright © 1996,1997,1998,1999,2000,2001,
2002, 2003, 2004